I just need things to be perfect.

I hate birthday parties, and holidays, and first days of school, and last days of school. And, pretty much any day that I feel like the kids should have good memories.

Did I take enough pictures? Did I buy the right stuff? Are they having a good time? Should I post this on social media? Maybe I should take more pictures. Should I make a cake? Homemade? Store bought? What about ice cream? Maybe cupcakes, too. Is the house clean enough? Why do I hate this so much? I shouldn’t hate this.

I overthink things way past the point of normal overthinking and end up hating everything.

And, by hate, I mean hate the way it makes me feel like a bad mom. Every. time.

Is it over yet? Can I relax yet? I can relax when it’s over. It needs to be perfect. Is it perfect? It’s never perfect.

But, then it’s over and I realize I survived. But then, regret sets in.

Why can’t I just chill out? I should enjoy these special times. Did I ruin their special day? Why was I so anxious? Why do I keep doing this?

Maybe, next time I just need to serve booze?